worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
