So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I CAN MOONWALK!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
