can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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