Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
