Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish you could order shots online.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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