wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
