Don't make out with my wife yet
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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