I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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