i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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