Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
