I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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