so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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