My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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