Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i think my cat just said my name.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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