I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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