Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
