dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
