i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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