I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Someone signed my nipple.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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