They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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