i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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