The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
