The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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