I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My pussy is not your playground.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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