Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
