Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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