Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
