Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
