Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
