I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
