He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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