The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
