i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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