i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Church boner. Awkwardddd
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
