mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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