It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
