dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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