I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
