I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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