I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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