SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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