everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
