I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
