Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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