wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
