bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
