I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
