Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
