is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize