I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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