i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
